Broken.

“I don’t think you’re as broken as you think you are…” My previous therapist said this to me a year ago, and it was a revelation. A huge weight lifted off my chest. Maybe she is right– maybe I’m not broken. This is one of the shame tapes that runs through my head often. “I’m…

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Re-Branding

I’m stressed. I try to write but everything seems to be coming out wrong. I’m not authentic enough. I’m not knowledgeable enough. I don’t know the studies or articles to annotate this message. I want to talk about other things I am passionate about, but will I lose my following? Do I even have “a…

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Anxiety and Over-Sharing.

I’ve been getting pretty in my head recently about over-sharing. Do people really want to know? Am I being weird here? Did I just ruin a potential friendship by opening up too soon? Is this person going to think I’m weak? Did I talk to them about this before? I don’t want to sound like this…

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Finding a Doctor

Image from @peacewithpain I’ve touched on this before… how I was dismissed by multiple doctors and told that I just needed to relax or “it will get better.” I learned to mask my pain with humor at GYN appointments. I learned to cry silently while they did the pap smear or pregnancy checks. I didn’t…

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My Story. Part 6. Anxiety.

As you know, I have anxiety. I had dealt with it for a long time before knowing what it truly was. I always blamed other things for why I was so anxious all the time. I have a lot on my plate. I didn’t sleep well last night. Financial stress. Twins…. need I say more?…

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Space and Grace.

I’ve just returned to this blog from a 6-ish-month hiatus. I left without a warning, stopped responding to the blog e-mails, etc. And I am sorry for that. I hope each person who needed help was able to find it while I was away. I am going to be vulnerable in this post. Not with…

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My Story. Part 5. Healing through PT.

This is one of those posts that has taken me FOR.EVER. to want to write. I did a lot of soul searching and realized why. This is me currently. This isn’t my medical history… which is easily summarized… this is the active, messy journey that I’m on. I have anxiety about being criticized, being wrong,…

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My Story. Part 4. Aquagenic Pruritus and Systemic Nickel Allergy Syndrome

I just exercised. Ran for 20 minutes and did a strength workout. I got sweaty and stinky (my kids will attest to that, they like to sniff around and say “ew, you stinky mama!”). It was 8pm, my kids were awake, I knew I wanted to get them to bed… but I also wanted to…

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Humans of Vulvodynia Society

I recently submitted my story to a new “Humans of Vulvodynia Society” survey from ME + MY V. This blog has some wonderful information, and I am especially interested in reading about other perspectives about vulvodynia. If you have vulvodynia, I encourage you to share your story (you can do so anonymously if you wish). The…

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My Story. Part 3. Trial and Error.

Lidocaine jelly. That’s the first thing I tried. I was told to lather it all over my vulva and vagina and wait 15-30 minutes before intercourse for everything to go numb. It seemed so simple. I was shocked that I hadn’t thought of something like that before. The way my vulvodynia was described to me…

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