Broken.

“I don’t think you’re as broken as you think you are…” My previous therapist said this to me a year ago, and it was a revelation. A huge weight lifted off my chest. Maybe she is right– maybe I’m not broken. This is one of the shame tapes that runs through my head often. “I’m…

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Tightly Wound: A Film About Vaginismus

I recently watched this film (via the Tightly Wound Film website) and was so touched by the depth of honesty, vulnerability, creativity, and hope. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world.

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Finding a Doctor

Image from @peacewithpain I’ve touched on this before… how I was dismissed by multiple doctors and told that I just needed to relax or “it will get better.” I learned to mask my pain with humor at GYN appointments. I learned to cry silently while they did the pap smear or pregnancy checks. I didn’t…

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Awesome Video: When You Can’t Have Sex

I literally cried when I watched this video for the first time. And, to be honest, I feel kind of vulnerable sharing this with you. Because Lara Parker (the main girl in the video, who legit has these conditions) does an excellent job showing what it is really like to have vaginal pain. The anxiety…

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My Story. Part 5. Healing through PT.

This is one of those posts that has taken me FOR.EVER. to want to write. I did a lot of soul searching and realized why. This is me currently. This isn’t my medical history… which is easily summarized… this is the active, messy journey that I’m on. I have anxiety about being criticized, being wrong,…

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My Story. Part 4. Aquagenic Pruritus and Systemic Nickel Allergy Syndrome

I just exercised. Ran for 20 minutes and did a strength workout. I got sweaty and stinky (my kids will attest to that, they like to sniff around and say “ew, you stinky mama!”). It was 8pm, my kids were awake, I knew I wanted to get them to bed… but I also wanted to…

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Humans of Vulvodynia Society

I recently submitted my story to a new “Humans of Vulvodynia Society” survey from ME + MY V. This blog has some wonderful information, and I am especially interested in reading about other perspectives about vulvodynia. If you have vulvodynia, I encourage you to share your story (you can do so anonymously if you wish). The…

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My Story. Part 3. Trial and Error.

Lidocaine jelly. That’s the first thing I tried. I was told to lather it all over my vulva and vagina and wait 15-30 minutes before intercourse for everything to go numb. It seemed so simple. I was shocked that I hadn’t thought of something like that before. The way my vulvodynia was described to me…

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My Story. Part 2. Recognizing Something was Wrong and the Diagnosis

Hey there. It’s me again. Ready to write some more. I feel hesitant already, knowing that this will surface some deep emotions I try so hard to forget. But, I know I need to do this. Here goes nothing. Intercourse was painful for me. So, very painful. Like crying-in-the-fetal-position-for-hours-after kind of painful. We discovered this…

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Medical Journey: Elevator Pitch

I wanted to do a QUICK elevator pitch of my medical journey with vulvodynia, so that there is context when you read the other posts about what has helped/what hasn’t. I will keep updating this post throughout the course of this blog. Thanks! … I was diagnosed in 2015 (after I had my kids) when…

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