Broken.

“I don’t think you’re as broken as you think you are…” My previous therapist said this to me a year ago, and it was a revelation. A huge weight lifted off my chest. Maybe she is right– maybe I’m not broken. This is one of the shame tapes that runs through my head often. “I’m…

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Tightly Wound: A Film About Vaginismus

I recently watched this film (via the Tightly Wound Film website) and was so touched by the depth of honesty, vulnerability, creativity, and hope. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world.

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My Story. Part 6. Anxiety.

As you know, I have anxiety. I had dealt with it for a long time before knowing what it truly was. I always blamed other things for why I was so anxious all the time. I have a lot on my plate. I didn’t sleep well last night. Financial stress. Twins…. need I say more?…

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Awesome Video: When You Can’t Have Sex

I literally cried when I watched this video for the first time. And, to be honest, I feel kind of vulnerable sharing this with you. Because Lara Parker (the main girl in the video, who legit has these conditions) does an excellent job showing what it is really like to have vaginal pain. The anxiety…

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Space and Grace.

I’ve just returned to this blog from a 6-ish-month hiatus. I left without a warning, stopped responding to the blog e-mails, etc. And I am sorry for that. I hope each person who needed help was able to find it while I was away. I am going to be vulnerable in this post. Not with…

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My Story. Part 5. Healing through PT.

This is one of those posts that has taken me FOR.EVER. to want to write. I did a lot of soul searching and realized why. This is me currently. This isn’t my medical history… which is easily summarized… this is the active, messy journey that I’m on. I have anxiety about being criticized, being wrong,…

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Humans of Vulvodynia Society

I recently submitted my story to a new “Humans of Vulvodynia Society” survey from ME + MY V. This blog has some wonderful information, and I am especially interested in reading about other perspectives about vulvodynia. If you have vulvodynia, I encourage you to share your story (you can do so anonymously if you wish). The…

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My Story. Part 3. Trial and Error.

Lidocaine jelly. That’s the first thing I tried. I was told to lather it all over my vulva and vagina and wait 15-30 minutes before intercourse for everything to go numb. It seemed so simple. I was shocked that I hadn’t thought of something like that before. The way my vulvodynia was described to me…

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A Double Edged Sword.

A double edged sword. Thatโ€™s what it is. Being a virgin prior to entering into a monogamous marriage as a woman with vulvodynia is a double edged sword. On one hand, I hold fast to my religious tenants about sexuality and how intimacy is between me and my husband and us only. It brings me…

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My Story. Part 2. Recognizing Something was Wrong and the Diagnosis

Hey there. It’s me again. Ready to write some more. I feel hesitant already, knowing that this will surface some deep emotions I try so hard to forget. But, I know I need to do this. Here goes nothing. Intercourse was painful for me. So, very painful. Like crying-in-the-fetal-position-for-hours-after kind of painful. We discovered this…

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