About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Search for:

Start typing and press
Enter to search

Skip to content

Sandpaper & Glass

One woman's journey with vulvodynia.

open search form close search form

About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Contact

Feel free to contact me with questions @

sandpaperandglass@gmail.com

Name(required)

Email(required)

Comment(required)

Follow via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Hi! I’m Grace.

Thank you for being here.

Archives

January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
November 2018
October 2018
April 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017

Search for:

Instagram: @sandpaper.and.glass

🎤 say it louder for the people in the back! Image from @drcolleenreichmann

The other night I had an anxiety attack. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ Every time I closed my eyes I saw my worst COVID-19 nightmare. I meditated... I prayed... I tried to fall asleep... but nothing could shake this image out of my head. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ After a while, I began to feel hungry. I went into the kitchen and looked through my options. It was super late, so I wasn't interested in making anything. I was incredibly emotional, so I wanted an easy and comforting food. I wasn't very hungry, so I didn't want anything too filling. I listened to my body and chose based on her needs.⁠ -⁠ -⁠ I chose to snack on Doritos. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ I sat in the dark crying while eating Doritos. I was aware of every bite. They were good and soon I felt my stomach settle into neutral territory. I wasn't hungry anymore, though I was still incredibly anxious and emotional.⁠ -⁠ -⁠ Despite not being hungry, I ate a few more handfuls. The flavor became bland and the Doritos were no longer satisfying. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ At this point, I recognized that I had shifted from PHYSICAL HUNGER ➡️ EMOTIONAL EATING. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ I didn't feel shame. I didn't mentally berate myself. I sat with the bag of Doritos in my lap while I decided what to do. I made a conscious choice to eat two more chips and put the bag away. ⁠ -⁠ -⁠ ⭐⁠ Image from @dietitiananna ⁠ ⁠ #emotionaleating #stresseating #COVID_19 #intuitiveeatingjourney #intuitiveeatingcoach #nutritioncoach #healthcoach #nutritionfacts #nutritiontips #nutrition #dieting #diet #foodie #journeytohealth #bodypositive #bopo #weightneutral #dietsdontwork #antidiet #dietculture #peloton #IEPELO #nutritionaltherapy #allfoodsfit #mindbodyconnection

Let's have a little bit of (what can be) an uncomfortable conversation: - - How do you feel about the word, fat? - - Remember, in this space we are weight neutral and will never body shame one another. Have extra compassion for yourself and others while diving into the discomfort. This is a safe place. - - Aggressive or unsafe comments will be deleted. - - Fatphobia has affected each of us throughout our lives. Whether you abide in a naturally thin body, and fatphobia is present as a fear of becoming fat drilled into you from media/medical fields. Or whether you abide in a naturally fat body, and fatphobia is present in how others view/interact with/talk about/medically treat/etc you. - - Is fat a word that you feel comfortable reclaiming? - - Has the word fat become neutral for you, or is there still some connotation held in the word? - - Can you think of specific examples when the word fat was used as a way to hurt you, whether explicitly or implied? You don't have to share these, but it would be a wonderful thing to journal on and unpack those feelings. - - I'll start: - - I remember when fat was a word I used as a punishment for myself. Standing on the scale, mentally (and sometimes verbally) berating myself, using fat as the ammunition for self-hatred. - - In time, especially through learning about fatphobia and talking to other people who had reclaimed the word... I realized that having fat on your body is FINE. I was always able to see other people as worthy and loved and accepted, no matter their size... so why couldn't I do that with myself? - - I had to journal a lot. I had to unpack a lot of media's influences on me. I had to relearn how to speak to myself in a kind way. But most of all, I had to learn how to use the word fat as a neutral descriptor. - - [[CONT. IN COMMENTS]] Image from @bodyimage_therapist #takebackfat #antidiet #eatingdisorderrecovery #selflove #bodyimage #fat #haes #healthateverysize #dieting #dietingsucks #weightloss #fatphobia #disorderedeating #losehatenotweight #nourishnotpunish #emotionaleating #makepeacewithfood #lifebeyonddieting #mentalhealth #calorie #workout #morethanabody #beautyredefined #iweigh #postpartumbody

[[Image and caption from @evelyntribole]] PRINCIPLE 10: HONOR YOUR HEALTH—GENTLE NUTRITION⁣⁣ Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel good. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or become unhealthy, from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters. Progress, not perfection, is what counts. ⁣⁣ Gentle nutrition is the last principle for a reason. It’s critical to first heal your relationship with food, mind, & body. It’s not healthy for your mind to be stressing about your eating! If you are ready to explore Principle 10—great, this post is for you! But, if the idea of this principle sounds triggering, pause! Return when the timing feels right for YOU. ⁣⁣ Keep in mind that the meaning of gentle nutrition, may shift with the different seasons of your life. Our bodies are dynamic & ever-changing.⁣ ⭐PROMPTS The prompts are broken into 3 groups depending on your experience. There is no wrong or right level. I encourage you to read through all of them! ⁣Remember, it’s important to reflect with nonjudgmental curiosity.⁣ ⁣⁣ Ambivalent & Curious •What motivates your food choices? Sometimes a special way of eating gives a person an identity, which makes them feel special. Explore if this might be true for you. How might that affect your relationship to your food and body?⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Beginners & Newbies⁣⁣ •Explore how foods feel physically in your body (this in known as Food-Body Choice Congruence). This internal awareness causes a shift in eating decisions, since the tongue is not the only part of the body that we honor when making food choices. Reflect on specific foods & meals that leave you feeling satisfied & nourished. ⁣⁣ Experienced Intuitive Eaters� •Do you find that your eating choices are more flexible and relaxed? What have been turning points for you around this principle? #intuitiveeating #nondietapproach #weightinclusive #antidiet #bodyimage #bopo #selfcompassion #foodpeace #dietsdontwork #nutrition #foodfreedom #foodforthought #lifebeyonddieting #nourishnotpunish #bodytrust #bodyrespect #emotionaleating

[[Image and caption from @evelyntribole]] PRINCIPLE 9: MOVEMENT—FEEL THE DIFFERENCE⁣⁣⁣ Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie-burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Just as IE helps you reclaim the pleasure in eating, it also helps you get back the joy in movement. When you move in a way that brings joy or aliveness, you are nourishing body, mind, & spirit. It’s so important to find what works best for your unique body. (This also means not comparing yourself with others).⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ For some, the biggest challenge will be taking a day off (or more!), resting your body--when you feel tired, sick, or sore. Your body knows best!⁣⁣⁣ ⭐⁣⁣�PROMPTS ⁣⁣⁣ The prompts are broken into 3 groups depending on your experience. There is no wrong or right level. I encourage you to read through all of them! Reflect & be curious without judgment.⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Ambivalent & Curious ⁣⁣⁣ •Reflect: What do you need in order to feel comfortable moving your body? Consider clothing that feels comfortable, a body-positive environment that welcomes diverse bodies and abilities? Do you ever struggle taking days off?⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Beginners & Newbies⁣⁣⁣ •What is the most challenging for you about movement? What do you need in order to bring fun and joy into moving your body? Do you ever fall into the trap of “it doesn’t count” if it’s not intense?⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Experienced ⁣⁣⁣ What’s your favorite activity? Is there anything that surprised you about working through this principle?⁣⁣⁣ Perhaps it was letting go of a body-shaming trainer, or seeking an outdoor activity, rather than a gym? ⁣⁣⁣ I tagged a couple of unique accounts who are breaking barriers in the fitness space—movement without diet culture. They are doing some cool things—to bring access, diversity, & inspiration—you might want to give them a follow.⁣.. #intuitiveeating #fitspo #fitness #fitandfat #haes #peloton #XXLtribe #runner #fitmama #crossfit4life #yoga #yogamama #cyclegram #fit

A few weeks ago, my therapist and I discovered another layer of trauma that needs EMDR work. This new level of emotion feels like I'm free falling. I feel scared... terrified. I feel a knot in my stomach. I feel like everyone can see through my smile and see how I'm hurting. I feel really alone. - - Add the uncertainty with #COVID_19 and earthquakes... Honestly I'm reeling a bit. - - I had a tele-therapy session yesterday and it was lovely, but as we talked we realized that it would be best to save the EMDR work for when the office re-opens. That way, as the trauma surfaces, I will have in-person support. I agree with the reasoning, but I am scared. - - When I numb my emotions, I survive. This looks like distracting myself constantly. 50+ tabs open on my computer. Avoiding time to just think. A steady stream of YouTube or Netflix in the background. Long naps (which serve a dual purpose because this pregnant mama is easily tired). - - When I sit with my emotions, I struggle. - - I told my therapist that I don't want to simply survive for the next few weeks. I want to move forward and make progress. - - She helped me to see that the situation is less than ideal... but it is the best option for me. If I try to pry open this trauma now, it could leave me more vulnerable. - - She helped me see that the journey will take as long as the journey will take. I can't force healing along. - - She helped me see that taking a few weeks to slow down and survive will benefit my healing in the long run. Patience is a virtue. - - She taught me a breathing technique to help ground my spiraling thoughts and anxiety. Breathe IN the emotion you hope to exhibit... pause... breathe OUT the emotion you hope to release... pause... repeat. We spent time identifying the emotions I hoped to breathe in and out. - - I chose to BREATHE IN HAPPINESS & BREATHE OUT THE NEED FOR CONTROL. I do feel more calm, though nothing else has changed. #therapyiscool y'all. What will you breathe in & out? - Image from @foodandfearless #mentalhealthawareness #therapy #EMDR #healingisnotlinear #healingtrauma #wholehearted #vulnerability #authenticity #depression #anxiety #seekthesimplicity #therapyiscool #lds

Recent Posts

Big News, Y’all! January 14, 2020
2020 Goals December 27, 2019
Lots and Lots and Lots of Thoughts: Weight Loss and Weight Gain November 8, 2019
Lots and Lots and Lots of Thoughts: Weight Neutral Language November 8, 2019
Lots and Lots and Lots of Thoughts: Diet Culture and Body Neutrality November 8, 2019

Menu

About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Blog at WordPress.com.