About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Search for:

Start typing and press
Enter to search

open search form close search form

Skip to content

Sandpaper & Glass

One woman's journey with vulvodynia.

open search form close search form

About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Contact

Feel free to contact me with questions @

sandpaperandglass@gmail.com

Name(required)

Email(required)

Comment(required)

Follow via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Hi! I’m Grace.

Thank you for being here.

Archives

February 2019
January 2019
November 2018
October 2018
April 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017

Search for:

Instagram: @sandpaper.and.glass

I need this reminder constantly. The shame tape that runs through my brain is relentless- rallying from every side that I am NOT enough. That I am broken and unworthy of love. It is painful and it's taken me to some very dark places where I feel so alone. But I'm learning to stop those negative thought spirals and repeat: I AM ENOUGH. I AM WHOLE. I AM WORTHY OF LOVE. What are your affirmations? Image @drurytherapy

It wasn't until I began pelvic floor physical therapy that I realized how much tension I held in my body... constantly. Even as I'm typing this: My jaw is clenched. My shoulders are inching up to my ears. My lower back is tense. My pelvic floor muscles are tiiiight. And my thighs are contracting. It is a daily (often 100x/day) practice for me to consciously release the tension. To relax into the present moment. Some things that help me: - meditation - calming music - stretching - deep breaths - slow movements - and simply being aware Image from @theguerrillafeminist

Image and quote from the FABULOUS @brenebrown (aka the #1 woman in this world I want to meet) "Owning our story and LOVING ourselves through that process is the BRAVEST thing we'll ever do." New post on the blog. Link in bio. This post covers part of my journey to discover what the heck is up with my skin. As with the other things I've tried to heal my skin, depression, anxiety, and vulvodynia... it seems to be a step in the right direction, but not the end. I've really tried to OWN my story and LOVE myself through the process. I'm being authentic and vulnerable. I'm processing my emotions instead of running from them. And I do feel BRAVE. I really do.

Image @carlyhaecktherapy GROW THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH. This has been my mantra (of sorts) for a few years now. I am always asking myself, "What can I learn from this?" "How can I turn this into a strength?" "Is it possible to view this as a blessing?" And I'm not trying to minimize the pain or trauma. Vulvodynia has been extremely difficult and triggering. It's simply a matter of seeking for growth opportunities in every situation. #growth #change #therapy #vulvodynia #vaginalpain #mantra #sandpaperandglass #blog

Image from @peacewithpain I’ve touched on this before… how I was dismissed by multiple doctors and told that I just needed to relax or “it will get better.” I learned to mask my pain with humor at GYN appointments. I learned to cry silently while they did the pap smear or pregnancy checks. I didn’t realize it then, but those experiences were strengthening the neurotransmitter pathways that said VAGINA = PAIN. I wish I could hold my hand back then and say: IF A DOCTOR DOESN’T ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PAIN AND BUILD TRUST PRIOR TO INSERTION OF A SPECULUM, WALK OUT OF THAT. DANG. OFFICE. If you tell a doctor that you’ve been experiencing painful intercourse and they dismiss your truth, put your pants back on and leave. If a doctor sees you start crying… if you’re inching up the exam table… if you say tensely, “sorry, it just usually hurts a lot and I’m nervous”... and they don’t pause to validate that emotion… GO. Just go. …. The rest of my thoughts are in a blog post. Link in bio. #vulvodynia #sandpaperandglass #OBGYN #GYN #vaginalpain #advocate

This is truth. Healing is not linear. As I process my emotions and my vulvodynia, there are times that I feel like I am slipping backwards. I've had to be patient with myself in those moments and breathe. Sometimes it's a matter of energy and motivation. Sometimes it's the fact that something unrelated, yet still emotionally difficult, happens. Sometimes it's the fact that my depression creeps back in again. Sometimes it's an article I read or a comment I overheard. Sometimes it's an innocent and flirtatious joke my husband makes which triggers me. And in those moments when I feel weak... When I berate myself because "I've already done this, I should be better now!"... I have learned to hold space and grace for myself. I've learned to say, "it's okay that this is a high anxiety day" or "babe, will you pick up food on your way home?" or "I need a little space to journal and process right now." Because I know from experience that if I ignore my emotions and try to GO, GO, GO I will eventually slip further off balance. I will slip further backwards in my healing. Healing is not linear... But time will continue to move forward. And taking the time to process and release emotions in order to heal is vital. #vulvodynia #healing #depression #anxiety #sandpaperandglass

Recent Posts

My Story. Part 7. Systemic Nickel Allergy. February 11, 2019
Finding a Doctor February 4, 2019
My Story. Part 6. Anxiety. February 3, 2019
Excellent Video: I Have A Condition That Makes Sex Painful January 13, 2019
Awesome Video: When You Can’t Have Sex January 13, 2019

Menu

About
Start Here.
My Story
Helpful Resources
Contact

Blog at WordPress.com.