Lots and Lots and Lots of Thoughts: Diet Culture… I’m Fat

I’m fat.

It’s a fact. This isn’t me being degrading towards myself. This isn’t me hoping you will comment below and say, “You’re not fat… you’re beautiful!”

Let me tell you why.

“You’re not fat… you’re beautiful!” is a fat-phobic message that says fat = ugly between the lines.

Being fat is a fact. I have fat on my body. I have fat stored on my stomach and my arms and my butt and my thighs. I have a double chin. I’m fat.

Just like I would say I’m short. It is a part of my life.

I haven’t always been fat. My body changed with pregnancy and MCAS. At first I dieted and begged and pleaded and tried to hate myself into a smaller body because I had bought into the lie that diet culture sells us. I believed that in order to be healthy, happy, and beautiful I had to be thin.

Over time this really messed with my mental and physical health. My history of dieting ended up leading to long-term weight gain (as it always does). I developed a really shameful inner voice that told me I was lazy, worthless, unmotivated, and stupid. It was awful. I also developed a habit of binge eating and feeling really out of control around food. A natural result of restriction and dieting.

There is a dark, seedy, ugly underbelly of diet and wellness culture that is hidden by marketing. Don’t fall for the next diet or fad or exercise program with hopes of changing your body. Don’t shell out hundreds or even thousands of dollars. Just don’t do it… seriously.

Eat intuitively and eat well. Exercise in ways you like to move… it doesn’t matter if you lose weight. The benefits of exercise will be beneficial whether you lose weight or not.

Respect your body. Respect your mind. Allow your body to change. Instead of feeling depressed and starving yourself and slaving away at exercises you hate… buy clothes in your new size. It isn’t the end of the world. If you do the mental work to remove shame from the equation, making these changes will just become a part of your daily life.

Spend that money you would have spent on 300 calorie meal replacements on the vacation you want to take… and then go! Don’t spend your life waiting until the day you are thin to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Go out and do it now. Make those memories. And take those pictures. And wear the swimsuit. And eat the dang birthday cake. Just go. Live your life.